Musing Two

I have a different face

To show this world

Other than

the one I show now

Pock-marked with sorrow

Bursting with eruptions

Of repressed anger & sadness

I accept this life as is

I work toward harmony in this body

This body with it's scars

And memories

I invite healing & wholeness

And I long to release control

& fall into faith and love.

Haven't a Boundary

Haven't a Boundary

But a fit & a start

I want to scream at the

Whole World

And tell it to

Wake The Fuck Up

I gotta get all this out of me

I am tired

I am in pain.

Alone

No one's going to hold you

V

You are all alone

Always have been

Probably always will be

Bitterness is eating you alive

Maybe you will die from it

You're all alone

You're all alone

You're all alone

No one's going to hold you

No one's going to hold you

No one has

No one will

She's in the dark

Confronted with the reality that she has nothing to write about

She rubs her eyes

She drinks her wine

She lights her cigarettes

and thinks

She drinks too much

She knows she drinks too much &

She tries to heal

And she finds herself alone with

Her darkness

Her demons

The scary black hands that drag her down

Into the bile

That keep her from her light.

Sick with...

Poisons & Pain

And yet I remain faithful

that all knowing

will provide

Will show me the way

My path is dark no

and yet I walk.

I shed & let go

As I learn how.

I will be patient &

I will put in my timee

I pray and give it to You.

13may04

The Bitterness Disease

I am fully aware that the bitterness disease has got me. I don't feel much like doing anything about it. I want my friends and the dogs to go away. i want to be left alone. I don't want to share space or stuff or myself anymore.

I want hope. I want to feel good and i want to die. Because it looks form here like I will never feel better again. Like I was not only raped in my genitals but I was raped of my happiness and my optimism.

I want to destroy stuff and hit things and die.

I am bitter, so very bitter.

Why must life be so hard?

Why can't it be all peaches & cream?

03may03

The Damn Death Self

Just an icky day

cut off

dead

bleeding

soul

Damned up

Damned down

numb

Numb

NUMB

Sometimes is feels like

I

can't handle this

ANYMORE!!!

There is a very real part of myself

that wants me to die.

Die Dye...

Ahh the damn death self!!!